After taking a decision to dedicate themselves completely to Bhagwan, what could be the reason for a saint’s downfall?
It is said that, after joining satsang, if a person leaves his body within six months, then he is guaranteed to reach Akshardham. The soul doesn’t go anywhere else because of his intense conscience and emotions toward Bhagwan in the early days of satsang.
On the other hand, if a person spends his whole life in satsang and leaves his body at the end of his life, there is no guarantee that he will for sure reach Akshardham.
Why is it so?
When a soul enters satsang, the soul will be free from ego and attachments and will have a higher taste for Bhagwan, devotees, and saints. But it doesn’t stay longer.
After spending quite some time in satsang, whose actions do we like? Do we like the actions and stories of Bhagwan, saints, and devotees? Or do we start liking our own actions and ourselves?
When we join satsang, we will have a higher taste for the divine acts of Bhagwan. After being a saint or a devotee for some time and becoming comfortable in satsang, we would start to have a higher taste for our own actions; we would like to talk and hear about our actions than anything else.
Nishkulanand Swami says that “You joined satsang to worship Bhagwan and to serve Bhagwan. You came here to tie yourself to Bhagwan, but you end up tying to yourself.”
One day, some elder saints asked Shreeji Maharaj, “Maharaj, when we join satsang, we held it high. After some time, we start blaming the same satsang. What could be the reason for it? When we join satsang by holding it high, how can we keep holding it high and never blame satsang for whatever reason?”
Shreeji Maharaj replied, “One way is to not honor yourself.”
Then Maharaj asked, “Who can be the person living really like a pure soul without any self-admiration?”
The answer is: “The one who neither acts more than the agna of Bhagwan nor acts less than the agna of Bhagwan is a pure soul without self-admiration.”
If someone does less than Bhagwan’s agna, then he obviously admires himself more than Bhagwan. But if someone does more than Bhagwan’s agna, is it still self-admiration?
The nature of the person who does more than Bhagwan’s agna is that he wants everyone to consider him as special. He doesn’t want to be in the queue; he wants to be either first in the queue or last in the queue or wants to skip the queue by going sideways or through shortcuts. In any way, he wants to be seen as special by everyone. That is self-admiration.
Even if we do more than what Bhagwan or saint has asked us to do, it could be nothing but self-admiration.
What exactly is self-admiration?
It is easy to detect the existence of ego, anger, miser, and all such internal enemies. But it is not easy to detect the existence of self-admiration. Why is that so?
When we are angry, we can’t hide it but express it. When we are miser, we can’t hide it but express it.
But self-admiration is different. It changes its form as per the situation. It manifests in different forms in different situations, like the way climate manifests in different seasons. And so, it is very difficult to detect the presence of self-admiration in someone.
What did Nishkulanand Swami write about self-admiration?
In a renunciate, self-admiration exists in the form of renunciation; in a knowledgeable person, it exists in the form of knowledge; in a great person, it exists in the form of greatness; in a foolish person, it exists in the form of foolishness.
How did self-admiration enter them?
It entered them in the form of their uniqueness.
The person who meditates thinks that “I am a meditator and my way of doing meditation is unique and right.”
The person who has knowledge thinks that “I am a very knowledgeable person, and my way of thinking is unique and perfect.”
The person who does penance thinks that “I perform perfect penance, and my way of doing penance is unique and right.”
The person who is a saint thinks, “I am a true saint, and my way of living a saintly life is unique and perfect.”
The person who is a householder thinks, “I am the finest householder, and my way of living is absolutely right.”
Thus, self-admiration exists in a knowledgeable person in the form of knowledge, in a meditator in the form of meditation, in a tapasvi in the form of penance, in a saint in the form of saintliness, in a householder in the form of his way of living, and in a fool in the form of foolishness. No one is left out. Self-admiration exists in each of us in different forms.
Thus, getting hold of self-admiration is very hard. We fall into its trap each time.
Maharaj said that “You should disrespect your own body; you should disrespect your own personality. Considering your own personality as great is self-admiration.”
Singing all the great qualities of your own personality is self-admiration.
Self-admiration inspires us to do great work
What is the inspiration behind someone doing great work?
A person might do great work, or donate huge amounts of money, or help someone, or do extreme penance, or do extreme spiritual practices. They are all great works. What is the inspiration behind these great works? There are only two possible inspirations: either Bhagwan or self-admiration.
How many people think like this: “He did that work? I am not any less than him,” “His work is great. I am not any less than him.” A lot of people get inspiration from such a thought process.
How many people think like this: “I should do something only to please Bhagwan.” Very few people get inspiration from such a thought process.
Thus, the number of people who drew their inspiration from Bhagwan is very few, but the number of people who drew their inspiration from self-admiration is very high.
Even in spiritual practices, the inspiration of self-admiration is much stronger than the inspiration of Bhagwan or a saint. The intensity of inspiration derived from self-admiration can’t be matched even by Bhagwan or a saint.
When we want to deliver a talk or a katha to a group of people, self-admiration inspires us to do a better katha. Self-admiration would guide us to do better each time.
Even if we want to perform penance, self-admiration encourages us to choose the hardest penance.
Can penance and self-admiration go together? No. Yet self-admiration encourages us to do the best possible penance.
Honoring ourselves is the cause of our drastic downfall
Once, when Gunatitanand Swami was the Mahant of Junagadh mandir, a boy from a remote village nearby came to the temple and stayed with saints for quite some time. As he had grown up in a remote village, he literally had no knowledge of anything.
As he was new to the temple and the town, he had no idea of the food items served.
During lunch one day, a saint was serving puri to everyone.
As the boy never knew the existence of a food item called puri, he asked the serving saint, “Swami, can you serve me the food that is round and round?”
Thus, he was very innocent in every respect. He eventually grew up well and became a saint. And as a saint, he learned to make all the food items.
During Ankut-festival, he would alone make hundreds of tasty items for Bhagwan. Thus, he was living well in the Junagadh temple.
Then, one day, Shri Bhagwatprasadji Maharaj, the Acharya Maharaj of Vadtal, visited the Junagadh temple. After staying in the temple for a few days, Acharya Maharaj planned to go around the villages of Junagadh to promote the teachings of Shreeji Maharaj.
Gunatitanand Swami approached the saint and asked, “Sadhuram, Acharya Maharaj plans to go around the villages to spread satsang. Can you prepare good snacks for his travel, like penda?”
The saint sharply replied, “Did I become a saint just to cook food?”
Thus, he refused to prepare snack food for Acharya Maharaj as asked by Gunatitanand Swami.
Nishkulanand Swami says “What is the reason for such a drastic downfall? The primary reason is, instead of having the burning desire to be a sevak, we will start having the burning desire to be the boss.”
In Vachanamrut 17 of the Loya chapter, Shreeji Maharaj mentioned that “The reason of such a drastic fall is respecting and honoring his own self.”
Maharaj said that “There will be such drastic downfalls. Thus, we blame the same things which we initially praised.”
When we join satsang, or during our initial days in satsang, we pay a lot of respects to each saint and devotee. After spending some time in satsang, the respect toward saints and devotees wouldn’t stay long. Initially, we will be worshipping and respecting Bhagwan and saints; as time goes by, we will start worshipping and respecting ourselves.
Sadguru Nishkulanand Swami says that, before joining satsang, we didn’t have any desire for self-respect and greatness. After joining satsang, we imbibed good qualities from Bhagwan or a saint, and we feel great about ourselves.
The reason for such a drastic downfall is the hunger for self-respect and greatness that was already present in the soul. After joining satsang, that hunger for self-respect and greatness already present in the soul changes the direction of the soul.
References:
- Chosathpadi Katha Part 19 (Pad 21).
- Chosathpadi Katha Part 20 (Pad 21).